Why Poor Peoples Bad Decisions Don’t Make Perfect Sense To Me.I recently read an online article called “This is why poor people’s bad decisions make perfect sense”. It was a long explanation as to why the author and poor people in general make bad decisions. It left me feeling insulted and to be honest, a bit pissed off.
I am a poor person. Has every decision in my life been the best decision? No. But I have made NONE of the bad decisions the article refers to. I feel the need to be heard on behalf of all of the poor people making good decisions.
The definition of poor is lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society.
My parents are poor too. For many years they raised their family on less than $200/month. When I was in grade school we couldn’t afford the hot lunch program and got lunches sent from home. We could afford ketchup and mustard sandwiches. Meat was too expensive. Meat was for dinner only and then it was spread thin with noodles and whatever else was available to throw in to make the meal stretch and feed the whole family.
As I grew up I got good grades and graduated high school. In my senior year my creative writing teacher encouraged me to go to college for writing. He said I had talent. College was never something I had considered. No-one in my family had gone to college and there was no money for it.
I got a job instead and eventually moved out on my own. I was still poor but I had hopes and dreams for a better future. I decided to go to college. I applied for grants and loans and started at a university. I also continued working. I had worked my way up to being an assistant manager at a store near campus. At this same time I met someone and fell in love.
One semester into college I got pregnant. We were using protection but nothing is 100% safe. I felt it was meant to be so I committed to being a parent. Four months later I was spotting and was put on bed rest. I had to leave school and my job. While I was pregnant the man I was in love with decided that alcohol and drugs were more fun than being responsible with me. That spiraled out of control. By the time my son was born I knew I would be doing this alone. He became abusive and I left him. I never received any help with my son physically or financially.
Life was never easy but I had made a commitment to my child and I kept that commitment.
Sleep is a small luxury. 8 hours in a night? I don’t even remember what that feels like. I smoked cigarettes when I was a teen but from the moment I suspected being pregnant I have never had another. Exhausted or not.
At one point I was approached by my niece who was concerned that I was becoming anorexic. I wasn't anorexic; I was walking 10-20 miles a day. Often with my son on my back or with a fully loaded stroller….or both. I walked to work, to the food shelf, to the laundry mat, to everything. A car? Insurance? Gas? All totally unaffordable expenses.
I got daycare assistance so I could work. My son was the first one there in the mornings and the last one to leave in the evening. When he was 4 he was sent to the toddler room at the end of the day because all of the other kids in his age group had gone home. My days were long and I was still making barely enough to keep a roof over our heads. Rent is not cheap….especially if you want to avoid the most dangerous neighborhoods. Food was scarce and I didn’t want to take away from my son so I only ate what he didn’t like or need. I didn’t want him to feel the lack.
When I fell too far behind on rent we’d have to move and do it again. We moved a lot. When my son started first grade the other kids called him poor boy because I couldn't afford to buy him any Pokémon toys….the hot item at the time. We had never heard of them. We didn’t have cable.
Eventually life seemed to get better. The housing market was booming so with a friend’s encouragement I went to a tech college and took a short course to become licensed in real estate. I couldn’t afford the time off work or away from my son to get a 2 or 4 year degree so I thought it was a good alternative. I did well at first, built up my income and credit and bought my first home. It was a cheap house that had been left in major disrepair but I loved it just the same and with the help of my Dad, fixed it up and made it home. I met a seemingly wonderful, successful man, we began building a life together and we got engaged.
Have you ever seen the movie “Sleeping With The Enemy”? That is what happened to me. From the moment the ring went on my finger and the engagement announcements were made he became extremely controlling, not even wanting me to spend time with my family, and made it clear that he now was a priority over my son. He was abusive and scary. I started to make plans to flee. I changed my son to a new school system and sent him to stay with my sister who at the time lived in a very bad neighborhood in a large city. That was scary too but I had to get away. My, then fiancé’ was unaware that I was also making plans to move and he was happy to see my son sent away, but just in case, he stole valuables from my house whenever I was away and emptied our joint accounts. Over time he also took out credit cards in my name, maxed them out and defaulted them to destroy my credit. His idea was that if I was destitute financially I would be forced to stay with him. I got away. I sold my home and walked away with just enough money to get a place for my son and I in a better area of the city but by the time I got there I had lost everything else I had ever worked for up to that point in my life. That is when the housing market crashed. My job as a real estate agent was suddenly at a standstill, I lost my home to the bank, my credit was now ruined by my ex and made worse by the foreclosure. I was truly starting over with nothing. I had a nervous breakdown. No doctor would see me without cash or insurance, I just had to deal on my own. I lost 20 lbs in a month.
And being 150 miles away didn’t stop my ex from stalking and harassing me…for years. The police would do nothing for me. He had money and friends who were police. He looked good in the public eye. People were fooled. I had no means to fight anything. I just had to somehow move on.
My main struggle since then has been my health. I have very loud tinnitus in one ear and have lost most of the hearing. It was made worse by toxic black mold exposure from more than one slumlord apartment I lived in. I also have developed meneires syndrome in that ear and have severe attacks of vertigo and have long periods of time that my balance is off. I have twice scraped together the funds to go see a doctor. Two different doctors at two different clinics. They both sent me home with no care and both for the same reason. They can’t do testing or send me to a specialist without insurance. They both told me the same thing. Go home and watch the epleys maneuver on you tube and try to do it on my own at home. Epleys maneuver causes severe vertigo and is normally done by a physical therapist. Also, it is for floating ear crystals, not meneires. Both times it was a waste of money. I haven’t been back.
My son and I both need glasses, both need dental care, and neither of us have had physicals for years. There is just never enough extra money for that.
Last year I picked up and moved closer to my parents. They are now 87 and need care to stay in their home. They asked me to be their P.O.A. My sister was supposed to be their primary caregiver since she was an RN but she was diagnosed with a brain tumor and can no longer help them in all of the ways that they need. All other children are too far away and unable or unwilling to help. It’s now my responsibility. My Mom and Dad are wonderful people and were excellent, loving parents despite their limited means. They deserve happiness and care in their final years.
With my off balance issues finding work has been very difficult. I had a job for a while but recently lost it after my vertigo/imbalance took a turn for the worse. Now I’m out of work, struggling to find a job that I can do. I apply for many every week. Most jobs check credit these days and mine is still ruined so I’m rarely considered.
My parents would help me if they could but there situation is not good either. They took out a reverse mortgage on their home to get by as they are living solely on social security. No-one can live with them or the bank can take their home away. They live month to month, they have no savings, and now all of the equity in their home has been eaten up by the reverse mortgage which grows larger every month. When they pass on their home will go to the bank. They are heartbroken about that.
Have I had reason to fall into depression over the years? In most peoples opinions, yes. But I have a 24 hour rule. When I’m feeling completely defeated I give myself 24 hours to be sad, to wallow in it. After that I pick myself up and at least try to be positive. That’s how I keep going.
Despite it all, do I dream? Yes.
My one dream is that I will be able to buy my parents out of their reverse mortgage before they die, give them a life estate, and then grow old there myself once they pass. But my parents will be 88 in the spring and both have health issues. I am running out of time for that dream.
Am I hopeless? No.
Hopelessness feels to much like the end. I still want a bright future.
Could I use some help? Desperately.
Right now I would be happy to have enough money to pay my rent and bills for the month and stay in my home. I don’t know how that will happen, but there is always hope. It’s rented, it’s old and drafty, but there is no toxic mold and I’m happy here and close to my parents so I can provide the care they need. I can’t give up.
Have I made bad decisions throughout life? Of course, some, we all do. But not the obvious bad decisions talked about in the article I read.
Smoking cigarettes for a vice and to stay awake. How about stay awake with caffeine. It’s much less expensive, less toxic, and less of a bad example for your children. And how about your love for your children being your vice?
And the same with drinking alcohol. Spending money on alcohol when you’re struggling to care for your family…I just don’t understand that.
Also, eating unhealthy, fast food because saving the $5 spent on it isn’t going to result in improved circumstances. That’s a defeatist attitude. And what is it saying to your kids? That life will never be any better so don’t even try.
And all of those “vices” combined add up to a lot of money. Money that could make a difference.
I am happy when I find a penny on the ground. I consider it a gift. My grandpa used to say “He who doesn’t value the penny isn’t worth the dollar.” He was a wise man, he was also poor.
How about finding joy in watching your kids eat something healthy that you prepared with love and were able to afford because you don’t smoke, drink, eat fast food, etc.
Another thing I found offensive was the justification of women sleeping around and having babies from different daddies because the moments gave them a bit of connection and made them feel worthwhile and valuable even though they knew there was no future with these men? That is horrible.
I am not trying to belittle what the author of that article wrote or strike out at her personally in any way, but please take one thing from what I have said here.
Know that the article does not speak for all poor people. Please know that some of us sacrifice just as much, and it sounds to me like even more, for our families and still hold onto good values, each moment of happiness, and hope for our futures. And that is a GOOD decision.
I am a poor person. Has every decision in my life been the best decision? No. But I have made NONE of the bad decisions the article refers to. I feel the need to be heard on behalf of all of the poor people making good decisions.
The definition of poor is lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society.
My parents are poor too. For many years they raised their family on less than $200/month. When I was in grade school we couldn’t afford the hot lunch program and got lunches sent from home. We could afford ketchup and mustard sandwiches. Meat was too expensive. Meat was for dinner only and then it was spread thin with noodles and whatever else was available to throw in to make the meal stretch and feed the whole family.
As I grew up I got good grades and graduated high school. In my senior year my creative writing teacher encouraged me to go to college for writing. He said I had talent. College was never something I had considered. No-one in my family had gone to college and there was no money for it.
I got a job instead and eventually moved out on my own. I was still poor but I had hopes and dreams for a better future. I decided to go to college. I applied for grants and loans and started at a university. I also continued working. I had worked my way up to being an assistant manager at a store near campus. At this same time I met someone and fell in love.
One semester into college I got pregnant. We were using protection but nothing is 100% safe. I felt it was meant to be so I committed to being a parent. Four months later I was spotting and was put on bed rest. I had to leave school and my job. While I was pregnant the man I was in love with decided that alcohol and drugs were more fun than being responsible with me. That spiraled out of control. By the time my son was born I knew I would be doing this alone. He became abusive and I left him. I never received any help with my son physically or financially.
Life was never easy but I had made a commitment to my child and I kept that commitment.
Sleep is a small luxury. 8 hours in a night? I don’t even remember what that feels like. I smoked cigarettes when I was a teen but from the moment I suspected being pregnant I have never had another. Exhausted or not.
At one point I was approached by my niece who was concerned that I was becoming anorexic. I wasn't anorexic; I was walking 10-20 miles a day. Often with my son on my back or with a fully loaded stroller….or both. I walked to work, to the food shelf, to the laundry mat, to everything. A car? Insurance? Gas? All totally unaffordable expenses.
I got daycare assistance so I could work. My son was the first one there in the mornings and the last one to leave in the evening. When he was 4 he was sent to the toddler room at the end of the day because all of the other kids in his age group had gone home. My days were long and I was still making barely enough to keep a roof over our heads. Rent is not cheap….especially if you want to avoid the most dangerous neighborhoods. Food was scarce and I didn’t want to take away from my son so I only ate what he didn’t like or need. I didn’t want him to feel the lack.
When I fell too far behind on rent we’d have to move and do it again. We moved a lot. When my son started first grade the other kids called him poor boy because I couldn't afford to buy him any Pokémon toys….the hot item at the time. We had never heard of them. We didn’t have cable.
Eventually life seemed to get better. The housing market was booming so with a friend’s encouragement I went to a tech college and took a short course to become licensed in real estate. I couldn’t afford the time off work or away from my son to get a 2 or 4 year degree so I thought it was a good alternative. I did well at first, built up my income and credit and bought my first home. It was a cheap house that had been left in major disrepair but I loved it just the same and with the help of my Dad, fixed it up and made it home. I met a seemingly wonderful, successful man, we began building a life together and we got engaged.
Have you ever seen the movie “Sleeping With The Enemy”? That is what happened to me. From the moment the ring went on my finger and the engagement announcements were made he became extremely controlling, not even wanting me to spend time with my family, and made it clear that he now was a priority over my son. He was abusive and scary. I started to make plans to flee. I changed my son to a new school system and sent him to stay with my sister who at the time lived in a very bad neighborhood in a large city. That was scary too but I had to get away. My, then fiancé’ was unaware that I was also making plans to move and he was happy to see my son sent away, but just in case, he stole valuables from my house whenever I was away and emptied our joint accounts. Over time he also took out credit cards in my name, maxed them out and defaulted them to destroy my credit. His idea was that if I was destitute financially I would be forced to stay with him. I got away. I sold my home and walked away with just enough money to get a place for my son and I in a better area of the city but by the time I got there I had lost everything else I had ever worked for up to that point in my life. That is when the housing market crashed. My job as a real estate agent was suddenly at a standstill, I lost my home to the bank, my credit was now ruined by my ex and made worse by the foreclosure. I was truly starting over with nothing. I had a nervous breakdown. No doctor would see me without cash or insurance, I just had to deal on my own. I lost 20 lbs in a month.
And being 150 miles away didn’t stop my ex from stalking and harassing me…for years. The police would do nothing for me. He had money and friends who were police. He looked good in the public eye. People were fooled. I had no means to fight anything. I just had to somehow move on.
My main struggle since then has been my health. I have very loud tinnitus in one ear and have lost most of the hearing. It was made worse by toxic black mold exposure from more than one slumlord apartment I lived in. I also have developed meneires syndrome in that ear and have severe attacks of vertigo and have long periods of time that my balance is off. I have twice scraped together the funds to go see a doctor. Two different doctors at two different clinics. They both sent me home with no care and both for the same reason. They can’t do testing or send me to a specialist without insurance. They both told me the same thing. Go home and watch the epleys maneuver on you tube and try to do it on my own at home. Epleys maneuver causes severe vertigo and is normally done by a physical therapist. Also, it is for floating ear crystals, not meneires. Both times it was a waste of money. I haven’t been back.
My son and I both need glasses, both need dental care, and neither of us have had physicals for years. There is just never enough extra money for that.
Last year I picked up and moved closer to my parents. They are now 87 and need care to stay in their home. They asked me to be their P.O.A. My sister was supposed to be their primary caregiver since she was an RN but she was diagnosed with a brain tumor and can no longer help them in all of the ways that they need. All other children are too far away and unable or unwilling to help. It’s now my responsibility. My Mom and Dad are wonderful people and were excellent, loving parents despite their limited means. They deserve happiness and care in their final years.
With my off balance issues finding work has been very difficult. I had a job for a while but recently lost it after my vertigo/imbalance took a turn for the worse. Now I’m out of work, struggling to find a job that I can do. I apply for many every week. Most jobs check credit these days and mine is still ruined so I’m rarely considered.
My parents would help me if they could but there situation is not good either. They took out a reverse mortgage on their home to get by as they are living solely on social security. No-one can live with them or the bank can take their home away. They live month to month, they have no savings, and now all of the equity in their home has been eaten up by the reverse mortgage which grows larger every month. When they pass on their home will go to the bank. They are heartbroken about that.
Have I had reason to fall into depression over the years? In most peoples opinions, yes. But I have a 24 hour rule. When I’m feeling completely defeated I give myself 24 hours to be sad, to wallow in it. After that I pick myself up and at least try to be positive. That’s how I keep going.
Despite it all, do I dream? Yes.
My one dream is that I will be able to buy my parents out of their reverse mortgage before they die, give them a life estate, and then grow old there myself once they pass. But my parents will be 88 in the spring and both have health issues. I am running out of time for that dream.
Am I hopeless? No.
Hopelessness feels to much like the end. I still want a bright future.
Could I use some help? Desperately.
Right now I would be happy to have enough money to pay my rent and bills for the month and stay in my home. I don’t know how that will happen, but there is always hope. It’s rented, it’s old and drafty, but there is no toxic mold and I’m happy here and close to my parents so I can provide the care they need. I can’t give up.
Have I made bad decisions throughout life? Of course, some, we all do. But not the obvious bad decisions talked about in the article I read.
Smoking cigarettes for a vice and to stay awake. How about stay awake with caffeine. It’s much less expensive, less toxic, and less of a bad example for your children. And how about your love for your children being your vice?
And the same with drinking alcohol. Spending money on alcohol when you’re struggling to care for your family…I just don’t understand that.
Also, eating unhealthy, fast food because saving the $5 spent on it isn’t going to result in improved circumstances. That’s a defeatist attitude. And what is it saying to your kids? That life will never be any better so don’t even try.
And all of those “vices” combined add up to a lot of money. Money that could make a difference.
I am happy when I find a penny on the ground. I consider it a gift. My grandpa used to say “He who doesn’t value the penny isn’t worth the dollar.” He was a wise man, he was also poor.
How about finding joy in watching your kids eat something healthy that you prepared with love and were able to afford because you don’t smoke, drink, eat fast food, etc.
Another thing I found offensive was the justification of women sleeping around and having babies from different daddies because the moments gave them a bit of connection and made them feel worthwhile and valuable even though they knew there was no future with these men? That is horrible.
I am not trying to belittle what the author of that article wrote or strike out at her personally in any way, but please take one thing from what I have said here.
Know that the article does not speak for all poor people. Please know that some of us sacrifice just as much, and it sounds to me like even more, for our families and still hold onto good values, each moment of happiness, and hope for our futures. And that is a GOOD decision.